Hey 17 year old Nemo,
So…you know the way you give off this vibe of
being a hard-nosed, independent person who won’t get hurt? It’s bullshit. Carpe diem. Fuck it, just live for today and
stop worrying about it. Also, stop
worrying about your parents finding shit out about you. Just go and do stuff, get in trouble, who cares, it's all growing up! Also, would you ever start
to study, because you’re going to regret your Leaving Cert results, because you're actually capable of a hell of a lot more.
At your grad, hang on and get a lift home Michael. He's going to be pissed off and he will bring it up seven years later when you eventually do get together. Although it’s not intentional, it’s not nice to go home with someone
else…even if nothing happened!
You have a wonderful family. Yes, they drive you insane, you find it hard to be around all of them together but when shit hits the fan, when the chips are down, when you need someone who just understands, one or all of them will be there. You'll question each and every one of them at some stage in the coming 20 years, but despite certain, specific actions or events, in general they do what they do because they love you. Just love them and be thankful you're part of that family - frustrating, dysfunctional, crazy and tight as we are.
In college when a really happy looking girl gets excited about the fact you live on the same street, smile back and look enthusiastic! I know you don't remember but your reaction was waaayyyy too cool and that happy looking girl is not so happy and is desperately missing home. And she turns out to become one of your best friends.
In 3rd year in college, put your name down for that work placement in NYC, don’t think twice about it, just do it. Only four people put their name down and there are three jobs. Also when college is over, go to Boston with your (happy looking from above!) friend and if you don’t go to Boston, then bloody well go to France.
Don’t get your hair cut short – ever! And don’t buy that
orange satin shirt. Let’s just say it
doesn’t go with your eyes (OR ANYTHING!!)
Mavis is a snake and a bitch. You were right about her all along. Cut her out long before she starts trouble. Call her on her crazy lying. Tell her exactly
what you think of her.
Move to London when one of your best friends is there, it’ll
be a blast…oh and at your first Christmas party, stop drinking around
midnight…and don’t dance to New York New York. Trust me on this one!
When that cute guy who’s a friend of a friend asks you to come in after you jump out
of the car after him, insisting you can walk from there, SAY YES! He is hot and
he likes you (and it’ll really piss off the friend of a friend - ha!)
When you go to France, in the first week one of your friends is going to
make some moves, and you’re going to be confused and unsure about how you feel. You'll spend a long time wondering if you did the right thing by saying no. He turns out to be one of your best friends, don’t
waste time panicking or wondering if you should or shouldn’t. You're really compatible, but only as friends. When
you’re home that Christmas, don’t kiss that guy you went to school with, just
don’t.
When you’re at a gym party and a hot PT flirts with
you, go for it, but don’t get carried away, it is what it is, enjoy it.
When your friend tells you not to go home with
the guy who ‘fondly’ referred to you as Fresh Meat, she's probably right, but you're also right to ignore her. He will never be anything more than an ongoing fling (for far too long!). You will get hurt because he will never, ever commit to anything, but you know what, he is a lot of fun. Although, maybe
don’t play Spin the Bottle a few weeks later. It all ends up very messy.
When you’re on a girls' weekend in Bunratty, stop drinking meade after cup one, don’t
link your friend and don’t wear those pointy white shoes. They’ll make you trip
and split your lip and chip your tooth!
When Sleazy PT starts flirting, don’t
reciprocate. If you can’t resist, then
insist he treats you right, and after four weeks tell him to shit or get off the pot…and if he’s
still sitting and not shitting, end it here and then before it becomes a lengthy and messy affair. Stop training with him, tell him to piss off
when he starts being flirty and raunchy in training.
Keep your distance, cut ties, cut him out. In fact ideally don’t get involved with him on any level at all.
Don’t be nervous about taking on a life coach or changing
trainers. These two people will be very, very positive influences in your life,
worry not. You do absolutely the right thing in engaging with these people and you deserve huge kudos for this. Well done on taking a big step towards really shaping your future.
Leave The Tank confidently and knowing it’s absolutely the
right thing to do. Pat yourself on the
back on that one. Perhaps don’t go so
mad on spending money the next year though.
When Guy Once Dated is a dick, call him on it. When he messes you around and gets back in touch, trust your gut, call him on it. You do totally the right thing in ignoring him, even if you didn't really want to at that time. You need closure and it’s in your power,
so don’t let him take it.
Stop faffing around with electrolysis and waxing and get
that God damn hairy face seen to! LASER
BABY!! It’s nothing to be scared of,
just do it a lot earlier than 36! And
the same goes for Botox, the first big bonus you get, hold back a grand and GET
BOTOX AT 30!
Enjoy the attention from your 29 year old when he tells you that you’re
hot and he’d been checking you out all night.
You will be morto that there is an 8 year age gap, but who cares, it was one night! GO YOU! Enjoy!!
You make great friends, they’re really important to you and
look after those relationships well.
You’re going to be really happy. Be a bit more open, throw caution to
the wind every now and then. And remember always keep your hair well dyed and
always, always shave your legs before you go out.
Love you,
Your 37 year old self XXX
No comments:
Post a Comment