Oh!  I am angry today. I'm quite sure I haven't told you the backstory, so I'll have to be quick here.  Lots of calls, lots of deals, lots of queries lots of lazy fuckers - welcome to The Tank. 

I don't take this pressure very well. Actually I tend to take it very well for a certain length of time and then BOOM, BLAST, EXPLOOOOSSSIIIOOOOONNNN!! I just let loose and God love the person at the wrong end of it.

So the week before Easter was a particularly bad week. It was like no one wanted to do their job, just sit there, reading the internet, sending emails, sighing and complaining about having "so much work to do" but actually not doing anything really.  I had reached my limit, I was nearly there, I'd already rather acerbically asked if I was the only one answering phones, I'd snapped at three people, told another that there was a newsflash, he wasn't the only one busy and it was coming up to 4pm on Thursday before Easter.  It was like the tanks were never going to open again, the phones did not stop ringing. 

In short, in a fit of exasperation and rage, I snapped at one of the fish, fucked the ball and chain on the desk, shouted at him, walked off, he shouted after me, I shouted back.  All handbags at dawn shit, but I felt really bad. It was childish of me and I spent most of the weekend trying to figure out if I was in any way right...and I can honestly say I was wrong.  Do I think I should not have gotten annoyed? No. Do I think I overreacted? Yes.  But I came to the conclusion that he is a grown man-fish who's hitting on 40 and quite frankly should at this stage of his life be able to deal with an emotional / angry outburst from a colleague, even if she was female!

Two minutes later I came back to the desk, said nothing, was still shaking with rage (and embarassment if truth be known), but continued to do the job for the final hour. He left early and we did not speak of it.  He arrived in on Monday, was ever so polite to me...and we did not speak of it again. 

That was a month ago.  Today I was sitting in my review with my fish-manager and he asked "So Nemo, The Shark?  Is he pissing you off?" 
"Huh?  Uh no?"
"Oh, just...."
"Are you talking of something in particular? Like I snapped at him a few weeks back"
"Oh, um, yeah, it was mentioned that you got annoyed and I wanted to hear your side of the story"
"Well, oh to be honest it's quite a while ago and I'm not really interested in rehashing it unless he has spoken to you and you feel you need to address it?"  (I should add at this point, I was almost being facetious, I thought, what near 40 year old man-fish would run to teacher?!  ONE!)
"Well when he told me, he did say he didn't like how you reacted"...

So there I am mid thirties, in a work environment, explaining to "teacher" why I snapped at a work colleague. Do not get me wrong, I totally admit that I over-reacted, that I shouldn't have shouted and perhaps fucking the ball and chain on my desk was a tad aggressive!!  My issue is not with him being pissed, my issue is that the man did not have the balls to come to me and address it that day, the next week, a couple of days later, but instead chose to "tell teacher"... I'm sorry Shark, but I have lost what little respect I had for you. End of.

Bring on the day when I can finally jump into the toilet, hope someone yanks that chain and release myself from The Tank.  Due respects to a select few, but I do not belong there!!