Oh fkfkfkfkfkfkfkfk!  OK so I'm having a bit of a panic here...and I know I haven't told you all the full story but the few I'd normally phone in a panic are 'indisposed' at the moment and I think I need to just tell someone. So I'm going to tell the anonymous public!

I may have mentioned 'guy once dated' in my previous blog post. Well I'm not going into the detail now because (a) it's kind of irrelevant at the moment and (b) I don't have time, I need your help!  OK so I dated him a few times a few years ago, nice guy, good looking, interesting, ambitious, treated me really well...and I put an end to it because my head was up the proverbial @rse of Pervy PT and I couldn't see straight for the head fuck that he was instilling on me, something I often regretted. Anyway, without filling you in on the boring detail, I got back in touch and it has gone well...I think. I'm not sure. I think it's gone well, but I'm still left over analysing (a family flaw!) and engaging in a lot of 'what ifs' so I've decided to take the "Do what you want and what feels right approach" over the "Do what you should do / what 'the rules' say you should do / what your friends might say you should do..." Screw that, I'm doing what I want...except when I was sent to the UK with work, but was coming to London a day early and suggested we meet up (oh didn't I say, he lives in London??) he asked if I wanted to stay in his. Now. I have NO idea if that means crash on the couch, stay with me, have a weekend together, do your own thing and sleep in my apartment, who the fuck knows!  All I DO know is that planning this shit over email or Facebook leaves a LOT of room for ambiguity and miscomprehension.  Anyway, after reading that I had palpitations, perhaps a minor panic attack and a lot of fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck before I finally, carefully, after 20 minutes, constructed a response which included something along the lines of "yeah that'd be cool..." That'd be COOL?? COOL?  How old am I? "That's no hassle..."???!!!! he equally very maturely included in his reply. Are we both ten?!?!?!? Readers, followers, friends....???

So ya I'm now having a shit attack and trying to talk myself off the window ledge.  Although I am a ground floor apartment so I guess worst that'll happen is I'll scrape my knee...or depending on how I fall I could actually bust my nose or smash my teeth...Oooookaaaayyyyy, step away from the ledge Nemo! Turning up at 'guy once dated's house with a gappie mouth and broken nose, not a good look. So, what am I doing? What am I at? Yikes!  I'm excited and panicking in equal measure! I'm supposed to live in the now, this is my new mantra, why am I panicking?  What's the worst that can happen?  I sleep on the couch (free accommodation!), we have random sex (I have sex!), we screw it all up and it's all just a big mess (I have sex, free accommodation and another disaster to add to the collection)...here's hoping it's none of the above, that it goes really well, we have a laugh, we have fun, we get on well...and yes, we have sex!