Day 27 - Something I really, really love about myself

Day 27, questions 27 - Talk about something that you really, really, really love about yourself.

This is a really tough one.  I think it’s a mix of my caring nature and my dark, strong hair! I love that I am thoughtful, caring, generous with me and my time. I love how I can build and forge friendships, how I maintain friends over years and years and still make new friends nearly every year, how I have friends I see once or twice a year and some I see once or twice a week.  I love that I care about my family and put a big effort into each and every one of them. I’m not perfect, don’t get me wrong. I can be a royal pain in the hole, I can be a martyr and I can get pissed off “always being the thoughtful one”. But I would not change it for the world.  It’s part of who I am.

 

As indeed is my dark, strong hair…and I should say it’s the hair on my head and my eyelashes I love.  I fucking HATE the hair on my body!  Defluff, wax, shave, pluck the rest of it off puhlease!  But the hair on my head has been blowdried, straightened, chopped, died, pulled, blown in the wind, all to within an inch of its life…and I can still just wash, blow dry, straighten and walk out the door and look like I just stepped out of a salon...well not quite. In fact I regularly look like I've been pulled through a hedge backwards.  I mean I'm sitting here with my hair drying naturally, knowing that later this evening I'll have to spend some time taming and styling it.  But I still get compliments about my hair from hairdressers to randomers and friends who comment on its strength, shine and condition.  I can do a mean hair flick and when it's been styled it'll bounce and wave almost as well as my knockers in a poorly supported bra.  Shout out must go to Daddy Nemo from whom I get the wonderful hair genes. 

 

Oh and a particular special mention has to go to my bum.  Now, I would not say my bum is something I really, really, really love about myself. I don’t love it. In fact, I don’t even really like it.  But my bum in a catsuit caught the eye of one young f'lla last month and resulted in me not only being mistaken for someone 7 years younger nor an ego boost that was sorely, sorely needed, but also ended in nabbing me a guy 8 years my junior.  Bum, on that Friday night last month, I really, really, really loved you!

Day 26 - song that makes me cry

Day 26, question 26 - Name a song that makes you cry every time you hear it and why

Cavalleria rusticana - Intermezzo sinfonico or as I call it the music at the end of Godfather III and beginning of Raging Bull.  I have no idea why I find it so moving. Perhaps because it’s played at the end of GF III (SPOILER ALERT) when Michael experiences the real pay back of a life of trying to protect his family.  I am deeply, deeply in love with the Godfather story and am quite sure I was a gangster’s moll or an Italian American in NYC in the 1930-70s in a previous life. I became so invested in Michael and Kay that I felt I was going through their marriage with them.  Ya I’m sliiiightly crazy by times. 

Anyway, that song, every time I hear the start of that piece, I well up.  My friend had it at her wedding during her vows, I was bridesmaid, I am on video biting my lip and looking like I’m trying to hold something back. To those who don’t know me it looks like I’m screaming DON’T DO IT…except I’m just screaming DON’T CRY!!

Day 25 - paying it forward

Day 25, question 25 - Describe a moment when you “paid it forward.” What happened and how did it feel?

Yikes, I have tried to think about this one and I can’t think of one example when I did ‘pay it forward’.  I’m sure I have, but I just can’t think of a time.  Eeeeek… Does that make me a bad person? 

Day 24 - ONE day of my life I'd relive...

Day 24, question 24 - If you could relive ONE day of your life, what would it be? And would you change anything?

Dublin City Marathon.  An out and out winner!  It started on a foggy October bank holiday Monday morning around 5.30am with a wholemeal bagel and banana, a protein shake (what was I thinking!) and about a litre of water.  After many trips to the loo, with trickles of pee coming out, but convinced I ‘just had to go’, a triple and quadruple check of my backpack, I was ready to go.  One of my friends, another virgin marathon runner, we shall call her Shivemo, called for me and we made the walk from Dublin 4 to Stephen’s Green through the lifting fog, with talks of what we had eaten, how we felt, did we need more water, in X hours it would all be over.  The closer we got to The Green, the more excited I got. I wasn’t really that nervous, or was I? I didn’t know. I’d never done something this big before. I was concentrating on finding the portaloo before the race, dropping my bag in the security area, locating satellites on my Garmin, finding the correct wave, hugging Shivemo and my other virgin marathon runner, whom we shall call Joymo, and headed to the start line.

Runners huddled together for warmth before hearing the first klaxon go (that’d be the elite runners)…then it was time for me to strip off the "Penney’s Best" hoodie and tracksuit….Klaxon 2 went and I was off.  OK Nemo, stay calm, keep at your target pace, don’t chase yer man, don’t try to keep up with Shivemo or Joymo.  Oh wow there are a lot of people, Baby you were boooorn to ruuuuuun, why did I choose Bruce for my first song, he’s more a 14 mile inspiration…one mile down, fuck I’ve 25 POINT TWO more of these to go….O’Connell Street has a bit of an incline, Jesus didn’t notice that before…OK this is OK, 2 miles…Are we human or are we dancer, my sign is vital…this song’s a bit slow, mind it’s probably good at this stage.  3 miles….The Park – yay!!!  By the time I leave this I’ll be 7 miles down….just 19 POINT TWO more after that.  I’ve done 20 miles, I can do 19 POINT TWO. It was in the year of 88 in the lovely month of June, where the gadflies were swarmin’ and dogs howlin’ at the moon – a-ooooo Love that song…. 4 miles…..water stop, sht do I drink, don’t I?  OK I will, I’m quite enjoying this….5 miles….6 miles….SHAAANNNNEEE!! OMG I haven’t seen him since college, oh God I think I’m welling up, emosh much! Chelsea, Chelsea, I believe when you’re daaancin’  Fuck I’ve a stitch…NO I don’t want to stop just yet.  OK crap I have to….eeuuuuhhhhhh touch toes, breath out…OK I’ll go again…. There’s one of the physical therapists – BIIILLLL!! HEYY!!!  Chapelizod, just a few more miles to Crumlin Road and double digits.  I wonder will Dora be out.  She was going out last night, so not likely…wouldn’t blame her.  If you’re not running, you’re just watching people run… I’m feeling good…mile 8….Tommy used to work on the dooooocks, union’s been on strike, he's down on his luck, it's love, oh looooooove. Gina works the diner all dayyyyyy I would SO do Jon Bon!  Mile 9….there’s Sinemo and her mates… SINEEEEMOOOO!!! WOOOOOO!!!  Kilmainham hill, first big hill…..mile 10 – yes double digits! Will this road ever end?  Oh there are so many people out, this is so lovely, my legs hurt, I’m running a marathon, high fiiiivveee!!  Mile 11….It’s just a jump to the left and then a step to the riiiiiiiight. Put your hands on your hips....and bring your knees in tiiiiiiight. What possessed me to put the fricking Time Warp on my running track.  Mile 12…Hey man I’m alliiiiiive I’m taking each day and night at a tiiime.  Yeah defo would do Jon Bon. How old is JB Jovi I wonder? Mmmm, oh!  13 miles!  13 POINT ONE MILES - HALF WAY THERE!! WOOOP!! 

Shit I’ve the same distance to do agai…oh no, what’s that? Darting pain…OK, stop, stretch…OK let’s go again…right, next stop Terenure…shit I forgot Kimmage…oh I’m not as far on as I thought I’d be…what song’s this?  Don’t stop me noooowwwww, I'm havin' such a good time. I'm havin' a ball...I AM having such a good time. It hurts, I’m sore, I’ve walked, but I am LOVING this!! I’m running a marathon!!  Awoopppppp… 14 miles, just 12 POINT TWO more to go!!!  I get knocked down but I get up again, ain’t never gonna keep me down. Yeah could really do without getting ‘knocked down’ or at least not until after a vino later…OMG VINOOOOOOO!!!!  Euw so don’t want vino now but will neck a bottle later! 

15 miles, I can’t wait to see Bemo at mile 18. I’m longer than I thought I’d be, hope she’s not waiting too long, she’s going to be waiting a long time cos I am way behind!  16 miles – Terenure…awww, that woman was so nice I just talked to. She’s expecting her child and hubbie at mile 17….Mile 17, Rathgar, LESS THAN 10 MILES LEFT!! I aaacchhee…but I’m running a marathon. Fuck me, I never thought I’d actually do this. 

We got to,  We got to,  We got to,  We got to, Kick that gangster shit, Come on, we got to kick that gangster shit. Jesus I’ve been singing those lyrics wrong all these years…Mmmm.  My sellotaped adductor actually doesn’t hurt, but my ass and my hips are focking KILLING ME!  Oh there’s the ambulance crew. I wonder if they’ve deep heat for my calf, that’ll bring me the rest of the way.  Milltoooowwwwnnnn… MILE 18!!!  Oh there’s Bemo BEEEEMMOOOOOO!!! I am not looking great or fresh but I love you for saying I do – thank you, thank you!  Thanks for coming out.  Aw shit the hill. I’m walking this hill.  There are so many people, they’re all cheering.  I’m walking! 

OK, brothers will be at miles 20 and 21 so I better be running when I see them… Shit there’s the camera bike, head down Nemo…19 miiiillles!!  Bird Ave is flat right?  WRONG!  OOooo m’hips!!!  Well I’m not the kind to kiss and tell, but I’ve been seen with Farahhhhhh… God I loved the Fall Guy when I was younger.  Great running song.  Oh!!  There’s my bro, with my gel and water…. BROTHAAAAAAA!!!  SISTER IN LLAAWWWW!! WOOOPA!! Love you for cheering me – thank you … yes I know 6 more miles. 6 POINT TWO more miles… Aw man Foster Ave hill coming up, ok brother 2 is up there so I’ll have to walk some to be able to run past him.  Oh my God this is the longest and farthest I’ve every run – 21 MILES!! BROTHHAAAAA TWOOOOOO!!! THANK YOU!!! Love you!!!  OK I can walk again when I get out of sight….Mum Fish, Dad Fish and Sister Fish are at 24 miles, so I only have 3 miles to get on my own.  High five little children, woooop! I’m in agony, every joint and muscle of my body is aching, but I AM IN HEAVEN!!!  UCD 22 miles….that flyover looks soooo steep! Oh it’s sore to run down it too….owowowowow!  I’m running a marathon – woooop!!  Nutley Lane, shit there are ramps here, that’s gonna hurt. 

Here I go agaiiiin on my ooooowwwwnnn, goin' down the only road I've every knooooown…Jesus I have seriously suspect taste in music.  More water, do I need water, do I want water? I’ll take water….thank you wonderful amazing volunteers…OK I have to walk some of Merrion Road…mile 23…OK I think I may cry…my hips hurt, my ass hurts… I am having the time of my life…  Right, folks are up here for sure, I’ll take out the headphones….There’s Dad!  DAD!! Oh he’s so cute, running to Mum.  Oh shit Mum’s crying. Mum stop crying or I’ll start, Little Fish Sister thanks for the water and gel.  LOVE YOU ALL FOR COMING OUT…MWAH!!

Mile 24.  Shit I am wayyyy behind in time…JUST TWO POINT TWO MORE MILES!!!!!!  OK I can’t run anymore, my hips, quads, arse, OW!! I am doing a marathon.  This is amazing Nemo, AMAZING!!  Oh there’s Lemo and her hubbie and mum.  Thanks so much for coming out. Sure, you can run with me but stop crying as I don’t have the oxygen to cry J  Talk to me, don’t ask me questions, tell me about work, distract me from the pain.  I do not look fresh, I look like shit but thank you for saying otherwise! 

Mile 25, OK if you don’t mind I want to run this last mile on my own, thank you so much for joining me and coming out.  ONE POINT TWO MORE MILES!!!  OK, headphones off, savour this experience.  Come on fellow runner.  Come on, just a little more left, it’ll be OK…I know I hurt too…Go you!!!  There’s Trinity…oh my God all these people, it’s amazing.  Thank you all … I am looking at you and you’re looking in my eyes, it’s like you know me. You really want me to succeed. YOU guys are amazing!!  I love you alllll….Fuck there’s 5 hours, that fucking POINT TWO mile!!!  There’s the blue carpet. Run Nemo, wave, smile, cheer, WOOOP!! I did a marathon. WOOOOOP!!!! Oh shit I’m sore. 

I DID A MARATHON. It hurt, it was hard, it was emotional, I'll never do that again, but I wouldn't change a thing!! IIIII I wouldn't change, I-I-I-I I wouldn't change...OK enough of my dodgy music.

Day 21 - Pitching myself to a reality show

Day 21, question 21 - How would you pitch a reality show about yourself? To what network?

It’s like a mix of ‘Pulling’ and ‘Bridget Jones Diary’. 

Start with a portion of Sharon Horgan (playing Nemo), Amy Huberman, Miranda Hart (with a well honed Irish accent), Sally Philips (again Irish accent) and at least 4 very ridey boys. Throw in a pinch of lemon (bitterness ), a large helping of sugar (sweetness and love), a dollop of sarcasm, pinch of judgement, and a generous helping of honesty.

Mix together well, and serve - with a very large glass of wine.

Day 19 - Something people would be surprised to learn about me

Day 19, question 19 - What is something about you that people would be surprised to learn?

I’m extremely insecure, a total over analyser, an introvert and very shy.  Most people think I am quite confident and don’t really give a shit what people think of me.  It’s quite the opposite. I have an introverted personality. I prefer to work alone, figure things out in my own head before articulating, don’t really like to discuss my problems, prefer to shoot the shit around them and work it out in my own head before solving it myself. I hate being told what to do and will often do the opposite, sometimes cutting off my nose to spite my face. But I think most people actually know that about me.  So yeah, insecure, over analyse, an introvert, shy… and I have a mole on my left nipple…

Day 18 - Conversation with yourself in high school

Day 18, question 18 - If you could have a conversation with yourself in high school, what would you say?

Hey 17 year old Nemo,

So…you know the way you give off this vibe of being a hard-nosed, independent person who won’t get hurt? It’s bullshit.  Carpe diem. Fuck it, just live for today and stop worrying about it.  Also, stop worrying about your parents finding shit out about you.  Just go and do stuff, get in trouble, who cares, it's all growing up! Also, would you ever start to study, because you’re going to regret your Leaving Cert results, because you're actually capable of a hell of a lot more. 

At your grad, hang on and get a lift home Michael. He's going to be pissed off and he will bring it up seven years later when you eventually do get together.  Although it’s not intentional, it’s not nice to go home with someone else…even if nothing happened!

You have a wonderful family.  Yes, they drive you insane, you find it hard to be around all of them together but when shit hits the fan, when the chips are down, when you need someone who just understands, one or all of them will be there.  You'll question each and every one of them at some stage in the coming 20 years, but despite certain, specific actions or events, in general they do what they do because they love you.  Just love them and be thankful you're part of that family - frustrating, dysfunctional, crazy and tight as we are. 

In college when a really happy looking girl gets excited about the fact you live on the same street, smile back and look enthusiastic!  I know you don't remember but your reaction was waaayyyy too cool and that happy looking girl is not so happy and is desperately missing home.  And she turns out to become one of your best friends.

In 3^rd year in college, put your name down for that work placement in NYC, don’t think twice about it, just do it. Only four people put their name down and there are three jobs.  Also when college is over, go to Boston with your (happy looking from above!) friend and if you don’t go to Boston, then bloody well go to France. 

Don’t get your hair cut short – ever! And don’t buy that orange satin shirt.  Let’s just say it doesn’t go with your eyes (OR ANYTHING!!) 

Mavis is a snake and a bitch. You were right about her all along. Cut her out long before she starts trouble. Call her on her crazy lying. Tell her exactly what you think of her.

Move to London when one of your best friends is there, it’ll be a blast…oh and at your first Christmas party, stop drinking around midnight…and don’t dance to New York New York. Trust me on this one!

When that cute guy who’s a friend of a friend asks you to come in after you jump out of the car after him, insisting you can walk from there, SAY YES! He is hot and he likes you (and it’ll really piss off the friend of a friend  - ha!)

When you go to France, in the first week one of your friends is going to make some moves, and you’re going to be confused and unsure about how you feel. You'll spend a long time wondering if you did the right thing by saying no.  He turns out to be one of your best friends, don’t waste time panicking or wondering if you should or shouldn’t. You're really compatible, but only as friends. When you’re home that Christmas, don’t kiss that guy you went to school with, just don’t.

When you’re at a gym party and a hot PT flirts with you, go for it, but don’t get carried away, it is what it is, enjoy it.

When your friend tells you not to go home with the guy who ‘fondly’ referred to you as Fresh Meat, she's probably right, but you're also right to ignore her. He will never be anything more than an ongoing fling (for far too long!). You will get hurt because he will never, ever commit to anything, but you know what, he is a lot of fun.  Although, maybe don’t play Spin the Bottle a few weeks later. It all ends up very messy.

When you’re on a girls' weekend in Bunratty, stop drinking meade after cup one, don’t link your friend and don’t wear those pointy white shoes. They’ll make you trip and split your lip and chip your tooth!

When Sleazy PT starts flirting, don’t reciprocate.  If you can’t resist, then insist he treats you right, and after four weeks tell him to shit or get off the pot…and if he’s still sitting and not shitting, end it here and then before it becomes a lengthy and messy affair. Stop training with him, tell him to piss off when he starts being flirty and raunchy in training. Keep your distance, cut ties, cut him out. In fact ideally don’t get involved with him on any level at all.  

Don’t be nervous about taking on a life coach or changing trainers. These two people will be very, very positive influences in your life, worry not. You do absolutely the right thing in engaging with these people and you deserve huge kudos for this.  Well done on taking a big step towards really shaping your future.

Leave The Tank confidently and knowing it’s absolutely the right thing to do.  Pat yourself on the back on that one.  Perhaps don’t go so mad on spending money the next year though. 

When Guy Once Dated is a dick, call him on it.  When he messes you around and gets back in touch, trust your gut, call him on it. You do totally the right thing in ignoring him, even if you didn't really want to at that time. You need closure and it’s in your power, so don’t let him take it.

Stop faffing around with electrolysis and waxing and get that God damn hairy face seen to!  LASER BABY!!  It’s nothing to be scared of, just do it a lot earlier than 36!  And the same goes for Botox, the first big bonus you get, hold back a grand and GET BOTOX AT 30!

Enjoy the attention from your 29 year old when he tells you that you’re hot and he’d been checking you out all night.  You will be morto that there is an 8 year age gap, but who cares, it was one night!  GO YOU!  Enjoy!!

You make great friends, they’re really important to you and look after those relationships well.  You’re going to be really happy. Be a bit more open, throw caution to the wind every now and then. And remember always keep your hair well dyed and always, always shave your legs before you go out.

Love you,

Your 37 year old self XXX

Day 17 - Spiritual Beliefs

Sorry peeps! Behind - again!  So I'll publish two today...I know you all just can't wait!!!!

Day 17, question 17 - What are your spiritual beliefs and how do they impact your relationships/relationship status?

I’m not sure I’m very spiritual, but I have certain beliefs like what you put out in the universe you get back. 

I believe that we learn from every, single interaction, situation, relationship – good, bad or indifferent.  And I have taken good learnings from all those I’ve had.