Rain has returned. Now I’m not one of those people who talks incessantly about the rain. “Oh! There was our summer…Awful weather…4 inches due, place will flood again…Rain, sure what would you expect in this country…Oh my God it’s raining!!!” OK so the last one might be a bit me. 

Anyway, generally I’m not that bothered as I’ve come to expect a drop or two over my 30 something years.  But God, when it comes to dressing for the rain and battling the elements , I lose all patience. This morning I woke up, dragged myself out of bed and got ready for the day. I mindlessly pulled the black suit from the dry cleaning bag and drew the blinds…rain!  With only 30 mins to walk to work, stop for coffee, hit the loos and make self semi respectable again, I thought “F__k it, it’ll be grand”, tucked the back of my too long trousers into my socks, pulled on the ol’ Converse, rolled my hair into a hat and took to the well beaten path to The Tank. Half way through the Eagles Take it Easy I realised that there was something funny going on around the ankle of my trousers. A bird shat on me! I shat you not!!! This was probably the first time in two weeks (since I left suits in to dry cleaners) that I looked professional and now a bird shat on me. Bird shit is good luck, my arse!!!  Sooooo p*ssed off!  I made a detour to Tesco on the way and picked up a jumbo pack of baby wipes. If baby wipes work on baby shit, they’ll work on bird shit. However you’d be amazed at the dodgy looks you get walking into the ladies with a jumbo pack of baby wipes first thing in the morning! Like seriously what do they think I’m up to?!  Hiding a baby behind the bowl? Changing myself?! 

I met yer man Jim from the concrete block in the midlands at the lift later “Ah, you’re dressed!” he said. Yeah yeah I know he knew what he meant, I knew what he meant, but the four work colleagues waiting for the lift did not know what he meant! These people know me by name, but not my reputation. I went puce of course, which screams “Jim saw Nemo naked. What the….” And tried to laugh it off in that “Oh now!” kinda way…Baby wipes to the toilets this morning, surprised you’re not naked comments this evening. Oh I’m going all the way to the top!