Day 16 - Contents of a time capsule

16) If you planted a time capsule right now of your life to be opened in 20 years, what would be in it?

• My running medals
• Pictures of my family and friends
• My pulling dress
• My favourite bra and matching knickersssssss, which would go with my pulling dress
• My Dune biker boots, which are falling apart but I love possibly more than life itself
• My various journals with random thoughts, lists, names and addresses, notes on phone calls
• My notes from all fortune teller visits (well I have to know if any of them were actually true!!)
• My iPod/iPhone with all my really, really dodgy music
• My newly purchased red PVC catsuit
• My laptop with all my random thoughts…and all the drafts that never actually made this blog!

Day 14 - SW Blog Challenge - Last moment you felt really, truly blissful

Sorry folk(s)!  Running behind.  I knew this would happen!!  Anyway day 14 here you go.

 

Day 14, question 14: Describe the last moment you felt really, truly blissful

It was a Tuesday, the sun was shining and I’d just woken up in a Lower East Side hotel in Manhattan.  I’d arrived the previous day after the last day of my life in The Tank.  I’d finally gone, finished, left!  It was exhilarating and I felt a real sense of being on the right path to wherever I was going.  I had no idea where that was but I was on the right road.  I got up, threw on my running gear and headed out on the streets to figure out where I could get a nice 5k route.  I headed right and down towards the Williamsburgh Bridge, where I just ran.  The New York smell hanging in the air made me feel like I was home. I thought about the excitement and freedom of leaving The Tank behind.  I thought of the restaurants, shops, museums, streets and people that were out there in this amazing city, ready for me to watch, visit, see.  I thought of how good I felt at 10st 6lbs, running from Manhattan to the tip of Brooklyn. I thought of the excitement of driving through 5 different states to spend two short days in Nantucket and Hyannisport (would not recommend the latter btw!) I thought of hanging out with my cousin for two days, catching up and having chats and laughs.  I thought of the date I’d organised in London two weeks later and what I might wear, what Guy Once Dated might now look like, be like, where would he bring me.  I felt that the world was my oyster and I was embarking on a two week holiday that was pretty much all about relaxing, getting to know myself and enjoying my own company…and I felt really happy and truly blissful!

Day 13 - The SW Blogging Challenge - Last person I texted

Day 13, question 13: Describe how you met the last person you texted and talk about your friendship/relationship

I'm a day behind on this and I'm not even half way through!! I didn't think it would actually be that hard, but it is! Whodda thunk it?  Writing about me, me, me is hard work!!

OK so here goes - the last person I texted was my friend, whom we shall call Bemo.  I met Bemo when I was doing my post grad. I was working part time with a friend we shall call McMemo, and Bemo and McMemo worked together. Bemo and I just hit it off. We had exactly the same sense of humour, we laughed at the same stuff, we found the same stuff horrendous and hilarious at the same time.  When I finished that part time job we stayed in touch and became firm friends.  That was 11 years ago. 

Bemo is one of my best friends, one of the core 5, and my closest friend in the world.  We see each other most days and say things like “I haven’t seen you in ages”, when it’s been two days.  We talk endlessly about things I am sure other people wouldn’t even get, never mind want to talk about. We have the same sense of humour on most things and can talk with complete lack of judgement. We’ve nearly fallen off bar stools, with tears streaming down our faces at the most stupid joke about a surplus supply of condoms and overestimation of the length of our relationships, we’ve sat in coffee shops/restaurants staring at The Ride of Dublin, knowing neither of us will actually get The Ride of Dublin but knowing it’s totally OK to do this. We’ve gone on hols and let the belly hang out, we’ve flirted with Georgius and Paris, with Derek and Declan. We’ve played the “Who’d wear this game” for years and still get endless hours of fun out of it. We’ve been there for each other when she’s hopped across the wall of the neighbour’s apartment and walked into their living room, in a pair of shorts and bikini thinking it was ours, and when I’ve tried to open the open door, asking the very pretty young male waiter if he’d help me.  She’s supported me as a friend in the last 11 years and in particular over the last year when I’ve been none too happy in my job and my situation, listened to my woes and me talk endlessly about the shit job I had, the funny and upsetting relationships I’ve had. I read a great line that pretty much sums us up our friendship “Life is better when you can share it with a friend who has the same sick, twisted personality as yourself.”

Day 12 - The SW Blog Challenge - My Proudest Accomplishment

Day 12, question 12: Your proudest accomplishment

This is an easy one - Leaving The Tank.  I never, ever thought it would happen. I never really believed I’d have the strength or courage to do it, but I did.  And I made a success of Life After The Tank.  I mean the fact that I’m currently freelancing with no current projects was, loike, all port of the plan, yaw!

Day 11 - SW Blog Challenge - Dates

Day 11, question 11: Your worst/funniest/most embarrassing date

I’ve been quite lucky on dates, but I'm sure I can muster up an odd one or two... I could choose from the one where I downed a bottle of wine and was hammered before he arrived, then proceeded to fall around town with him and flake out on my bed two hours later.  Or the one where he turned up 15 minutes late and during our conversation I mentioned being very punctual and he said “Shit, glad I wasn’t late then” For the record, Mr. I Wear The Same Shirt For Two Dates and Cycle A Dublin Bike, 15 minutes late IS LATE!!! Or the date which wasn’t really a date “I’ll call over and we can have a barbecue” My flatmate will be here, let’s go to the pub instead.  Now, did I ask him on a date or did he me??  Maybe date two of one gent - I really, really, REALLY did not want to go. My head was up the proverbial arse of another buck and I was ‘giving this guy a chance’, so I agreed to a second date, even though we spent the first date talking about the year he went travelling to Asia / Oz (for the record guys and gals, you’ve heard one of those stories, you’ve heard them all.  Unless you were almost arrested for something you didn’t do or lost a limb in an hilarious story, leave it at ‘yeah did the year travelling’) and a lot of other stuff about him. I’m not a big talker about myself (not that you’d know considering I’m writing a blog about me!) but that does not mean I want to spend an entire date talking about YOU!  But I put it down to nerves and said I’d give him another chance.  I arrived on a wet, windy Sunday to a pub in Dublin city I wouldn’t normally go to, but hey that’s half the fun of dating. I was early and trotted in and took a seat. Five mins later he spun in, in a bit of a stressed state, he’d lost / forgotten / mislaid his bank card. I can’t actually remember the detail, but I do remember him being rather embarrassed and panicked about it all.  So I paid for all the drinks, which worked well as it meant I had the upper hand and I also had control over when we would leave.  After three or four drinks I headed off … and agreed to another date. 

Day 10, question 10: Google the meaning of your name and talk about how it fits or doesn’t fit you

This is a bit of an odd one, as when I googled Nemo, can you believe the meaning of Nemo is “nobody"?!?!?!?!  Imagine?  That's so not me!  I secretly love being the centre of attention, I like to be noticed, I like putting on a show. I’m nervous as hell, but I love the attention.

So as that was so incredibly disappointing, I've decided to use my alter ego instead - here goes!

Graceful:

I’m not exactly what you'd call graceful. I’ve fallen over when drunk, chipped my tooth and split my lip, another time I fell over drunk and landed on my finger and chipped a bone.  I fell when out running, in a crop top (!!!!!!), used my arm as a skid brake and got an infection in the cut, I’ve torn ligaments in my ankle in 4 inch heels, I’ve had my fair share of tripping on the footpath and almost falling for about two metres, but not actually falling, then walking normally like no one saw me…but I wouldn’t call myself clumsy either. I've managed 4 inch heels without falling, I've been bridesmaid on more than one occasion and haven't fucked up.   

Courageously defended herself against wrongful accusation:

Um don’t think I’ve ever been…nope actually was once in college wrongfully accused of saying horrible, horrible things about one of my best friends. Never did, it was the psycho Mavis (we shall call her!) who was lying about me, but I didn’t ever actually confront her. I took the moral high ground, i.e. I avoided the confrontation. Hate confrontation, so I would say this is sliiiiightly inaccurate.

People with this name have a deep inner desire to serve humanity and to give to others by sharing money, knowledge and experience, or creative and artistic ability:

I do like to help people and share my knowledge with them.  I think if I hadn’t joined The Tank, I may have been a teacher…and I’m currently pursuing a course which kinda does make me a teacher – of sorts. Now, whether I shall actually teach or not is another thing!

People with this name tend to initiate events, to be leaders rather than followers, with powerful personalities:

Naaaaahhhh – the only event I initiate is dinner, or maybe lunch.  And the power of personality exudes via red wine!

They tend to be focused on specific goals, experience a wealth of creative new ideas, and have the ability to implement these ideas with efficiency and determination:
OMG this is me!!! Well, the specific goals bit. I can’t say that I have a wealth of creative ideas, unless you’re planning a child’s party…but I can sure as hell be efficient and don’t stand in my way. I said GET OUT OF MY WAYYYYY!!!!

They tend to be courageous and sometimes aggressive:

Ooooohh I think not, but I guess you’d have to ask my followers, I mean readers, OK my reader…

As unique, creative individuals, they tend to resent authority, and are sometimes stubborn, proud, and impatient:

Yes, Yes, Yes and yes.

Day 7 - The SW 30-Day Blogging Challenge - Most Important Things In a Future Mate

8) Five things that are most important to you in a future mate

Great arms, stunning face, a tiger, no lion, in bedroom, wads o’ cash…and a good personality, no actually a great car would bump the personality.

Am I serious?? Maybe… oh come on...Well of course a car is important, I mean it was a difficult struggle for me – personality/car?!?!?!  OK, OK serious now, here goes!

Kind and happy – he can be the sexiest man in the world, but if he’s a bit of a dick and unhappy in life, then I have neither the energy nor the inclination to ‘fix him’.

Driven / ambitious – this is really important to me. I want a man who wants to be the best that they can be, really successful in whatever is important to them. He can be cruising in his job, but driven in sport or music (OK so I’m not really into musicians, but keeping an open mind peeps!!). He doesn’t have to be the CEO of his business (not that I don’t find that ambition and success so very, very sexy!), but plodding along just isn’t for me.

Fit and sporty – I am fit and I love my sports, so it’s important to me that the dude I spend my time with is interested in that too. It’s a really big part of my life and so I think it would kinda help that he understand when I get up at 6am to go for a run before work, spend Saturday mornings on long runs or races, not go out Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday because I’ve training / a run / a swim the next day.

Fun – do I need to explain this one??!!  One cannot have enough fun in my life! 

Attractive – well if he ain’t attractive to me, then we’re just friends!

Day 7 - The Single Woman 30 Day Blogging Challenge - Are You Where You Thought You Would Be?

Day 7, question 7: Where you are in your life vs. where you thought you would be at this point

No job, no house, no husband, no kids…and no TV for about six weeks….

When I joke about my sit’yation at the moment this is what I say. This will stop now!  I am well aware of the Law of Attraction, so on day seven of the Single Woman 30-Day Blogging Challenge, this is going to stop!  But it does help to explain where I am versus where I thought I’d be. 

I’ve changed my view of where I thought I’d be so often over my life. Where I thought I’d be at 37 when I was 20 is so very, very different to where I thought I’d be when I was 36.

When I was in my teens I found it hard to imagine myself over 27.  But in my teens I did see myself at 27 as married (albeit to a footballer!) and with two children, a boy and a girl. I was a teacher, but may have given up or working part-time to mind my children. We were living in an amazing split level house in the UK, close to a city, but on a big fuck off site (basically a WAG/Footballer’s house in Manchester/Liverpool/Norwich/Leeds/Newcastle!!!) It was all about the money, money!!

As I got older my vision moved to my 30s and I still saw myself living in New York or Dublin (I know, I’m v specific in my locations!) but still with children, except as I got older, I thought it would be with one child rather than two. Time is of the essence, woman in your 30s, aging ovaries, dusty womb, tick-fucking-tock!

At 32 I was with someone and I really liked him. On one side of the paper he was perfect and on the other so completely wrong, but I refused to turn the page. I was looking at buying a house and had my eye on one in Donnybrook which was beyond cute.  I thought, “In five years’ time, I’ll be living in <<insert address here!>>, I could actually be married and have a baby, be super fit and healthy, working in morkeshing in The Tank” Married to said man?  I don’t know, I guess I was hooked on him and hoped it would work out, but not sure I saw myself in a white dress, walking down the aisle with him.  How and ever, I am not with said individual, I don’t have a baby, I am fit and healthy, I work in morkeshing, I’m not in The Tank.  I am in a muuuuuch better place than where I thought I’d be and for that I am very, very glad.

At 33, I was working in The Fish Tank, I hated it, I hated the WWs, the super heroes, Flipper, The Big Fishes, and I looked to my future and thought “Fuck, when I’m 37 I’ll be in The Tank, still fucking going long and short, left and right, up and down.  Fast forward four years….I’m not in The Tank and I’m so fucking happy I’ve left. 

When I was 34, I was in the midst of making moves out of The Tank, I was interviewing for a job in New York, I weighed 12.5 stone, my heaviest at that time, and I did not like myself. I thought “When I’m 37, I’ll be in NYC babyyyyyyy, I’ll lose loads of weight and look amaaaazing!” I’m not in NYC, but I’m not in The Tank, I’ve lost loads of weight and am pretty damn happy with how I look, except for the grey hairs… 

When I was 35, I still weighed 12.5 stone, I hated my body and felt beyond unattractive. I had finally bitten the bullet, spoken with The Big Fish and told him I was leaving The Tank. I was also single at this time, but really wanted this to change.  I thought “In two years’ time, I’ll be 10 stone, 13.999999 pounds, I’ll be running sub two hour half marathons, I’ll be working on a contract or freelancing with some cool business outside of The Tank’s industry. I have to do something about my love life!”  I’m 37, I’m now 10 stone 13.999999 pounds I am running sub two hour half marathons and faster 10ks, 5 miles, 5ks, I’m freelancing with no current projects (!) and I still need to do something about my love life. . .

Last year I had finished in The Tank, just come back from hols, weighed under 10.5 stones, breaking every PB I had in every road race. I’d contacted Guy Once Dated and we had just spent our first full weekend together.  I was working in a poxy contract but it brought me to the UK regularly.  I thought “Next year I’ll be working somewhere else, it’s time to move from Dublin, I’ll be doing an amazing job or contract in a top Tank industry business, I’ll be racing like I always do, fit, healthy, I’ll progress this "thing" with Guy Once Dated. Maybe we will be together, maybe we won't. But that doesn't really matter, I've made a move! I've made a change!”

So it's the 6th of October, I'm 37, am I where I thought I’d be?  In short, no.  But in some respects I’m in a much better place. Did I ever think I’d do a triathlon? A half marathon?  Leave The Tank? Live on my own?

Today, I’m available for work anywhere in the world. I’m meeting lots of recruiters and companies. One such company I’ve fallen in love with and they want to keep in touch about a potential job in 6 months.  I’m renting a great apartment which is now home, the landlady loves me (not least because according to all other tenants, I’m the crazy bitch who lives in 33A).  I can’t ever see her asking me to move, this is mine for as long as I want. It’s a great spot, close to the city, lots of lovely restaurants, bars, coffee shops close by. I’ve amazing friends and have a great laugh when we do get together.  I’ve lost a chunk of the weight I put on over the last 12 months; I’m fit, running and triathloning (not a word!)  I’m single and childless and this is probably the one thing that I want to change. But hey, I’m happy and I’m ready, even with my tick-tocking aging ovaries and dusty womb! (And I have my TV back!)

Day 5 - The SW Blogging Challenge - Biggest Misconception Of Single Person

Day 5, question 5: The biggest misconception you think people have about single life

I think this is a really personal one, so it’ll vary from person to person, but for me it is that people seem to think that when you’re single, you’re not quite whole, a little unhappy and unfulfilled and that meeting someone and being in a relationship / married will fulfil that and finally I’m happy.

BUUUUULLLLLLLSHIT!  I know many people who are as content and discontented as I and they are in relationships or married.  Being attached does not make you whole. Yeah I hope that for every sock there is a pair (OCD-esque!) but until I’m happy in my own, slightly saggy, bit hairy, quite pasty, cellulitey skin, then no man is going to make me feel whole or happier!!

 
If their questions and comments are anything to go by, my parents definitely hold that view:
“I just want you to be happy”
“You deserve someone, you deserve to be happy”
“Well isn’t it great that Maggie / Bartholomew / Mary / Aloysius met someone…and at his/her age, it’s never too late”
“I hear Jessie / James / Jenny / Jill is going out with a new woman / fella. Isn’t that great?? Isn’t it???”

I have screamed at them “I AM HAPPY!!!” which clearly translates to them as “She keeps saying she’s happy, I really don't think she is..."

So yeah, biggest misconception is that everything is better with a boy!

Day 4 - SW 30 Day Challenge - Biggest Fear As A Single Person

Day 4, question 4: Your biggest fear as a single person.

That the last person I had sex with, will be…the last person I had sex with!

That I’ll cut my finger again and this time pass out and bleed out in my rented apartment.

That I’ll die suddenly and the newspaper headline will read “42 year old single Tanker found dead in tracksuit, in rented apartment where she lived alone” (I’m not 42, nor a Tanker, nor wear tracksuits)

That I’ll still be going to my parents’ house for Christmas in 2038.

That people feel sorry for me.

That my family will think “What will happen to Nemo?”

That I’ll turn into a crazy 50 year old with lots of friends dotted around the country, but no ‘person’.

That I will end up dedicating my life to my family (and no disrespect to them whatsoever).

That I will be expected, as the single one, to look after my aging parents.

That I will become a burden to sisters/brothers.

But my single biggest fear is being alone….

Day 2 - Single Woman's 30-Day Blogging Challenge

So it's day two of the blogging challenge - hope you enjoy!

Day 2, question 2: Describe a moment or a day when being single really sucked.

I could be facetious and just say “Take your pick – Wednesday when I did really well in an interview and wanted someone to get as excited about it as I was; Thursday when I was feeling horny; Friday when I cut my finger and was convinced I was going to bleed out in my living room alone; Saturday when I was twitching for a night out and there was no one around; Sunday when I wanted to go to the pub to watch the Ryder Cup and couldn’t bring myself to go alone because not only would my secret be out (I watch golf!), but it’s still slightly odd for a woman to go into a pub on her own in Dublin in 2014; Monday when I cooked enough dinner for a family of seven and ran out of Tupperware containers to freeze it and would have liked a man to horse into two or three portions; Tuesday when I wanted a hug after a rather depressing meeting with a recruiter who told me that opportunities are slim and I need to basically lower my expectations, look internationally or, in my words, settle!”

But the question is to describe a day or moment, so here goes. 

I’m quite an independent person.  I have been on my own for a while and know how to change a light bulb, fix a TV, cook a three course meal for fourpeople, live on my own, travel on my own, who to phone when the car breaks down!  I’m the person my family calls when something goes wrong. It’s my role, I’m the carer, the fixer, the one who can ‘help’…so when I’m the one who needs help, care, something goes wrong...well eh what do you do?!. 

Twice recently I found myself in a vulnerable position where I needed help.  I had to go into hospital for the most minor of minor elective surgeries, which was my first experience of ‘going under’. I have to say I was very excited and mildly nervous of being under general anaesthetic.  Would I be that urban legend who would wake up mid-op and feel pain but be paralysed to speak?  Would I have an out of body experience, the story of which I could sell to dailymail.co.uk? Would I even die and my last thought be ‘I hope they sort out the lump on my fing….’

Foolishly perhaps, I didn’t think that I would not be released to go home on my own, after being knocked out and also for the first time.  So when my dad dropped me to the clinic on his way to his hospital appointment, I warned him that he was to go home, I did not want to wake up and he there, I was a big girl and could look after myself.  So two hours later when the 15 year old nurse asked me who was collecting me, I rather proudly said “Oh I’ll be getting a taxi”…and she retorted “Oh you won't be getting a taxi, you must be collected, we can’t release you otherwise.” 

“Oh eh OK, well, (mind runs quickly through list of friends – France, New York, Boston, just had baby, Cork, Italy…they were all out of Dublin!!) what time will I be released?”

“I don’t know, two hours after you come back to the ward”
“Yeah but what time will that be, it’ll be too late for my father, he will be gone, I told him to go…”
“I don’t know exactly, maybe 4.00, maybe 3.00.  I’m sure a friend would collect you, do you…have…a friend?”
“It’s Friday afternoon, everyone is at work”
“But we can keep you until after work, surely a…friend…would collect you”
“I DON’T HAVE A "FRIEND"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OK so I didn’t verbalise the last bit but was screaming it inside…and there and then I realised I don’t have that one person who MUST come and collect me, who knows that I’m in hospital and would probably know that I would need collecting and would make it his business to be available.  And while I did have people to call and they all just happened to be otherwise engaged and I did call my brother who very kindly, with no questions, jumped to it and stepped right in and I will be eternally grateful to him, at that very moment, I just lay there in the gaping at the back hospital gown, on my own, thinking “being single SUCKS!!!!!”