Day 7 - The Single Woman 30 Day Blogging Challenge - Are You Where You Thought You Would Be?

Day 7, question 7: Where you are in your life vs. where you thought you would be at this point

No job, no house, no husband, no kids…and no TV for about six weeks….

When I joke about my sit’yation at the moment this is what I say. This will stop now!  I am well aware of the Law of Attraction, so on day seven of the Single Woman 30-Day Blogging Challenge, this is going to stop!  But it does help to explain where I am versus where I thought I’d be. 

I’ve changed my view of where I thought I’d be so often over my life. Where I thought I’d be at 37 when I was 20 is so very, very different to where I thought I’d be when I was 36.

When I was in my teens I found it hard to imagine myself over 27.  But in my teens I did see myself at 27 as married (albeit to a footballer!) and with two children, a boy and a girl. I was a teacher, but may have given up or working part-time to mind my children. We were living in an amazing split level house in the UK, close to a city, but on a big fuck off site (basically a WAG/Footballer’s house in Manchester/Liverpool/Norwich/Leeds/Newcastle!!!) It was all about the money, money!!

As I got older my vision moved to my 30s and I still saw myself living in New York or Dublin (I know, I’m v specific in my locations!) but still with children, except as I got older, I thought it would be with one child rather than two. Time is of the essence, woman in your 30s, aging ovaries, dusty womb, tick-fucking-tock!

At 32 I was with someone and I really liked him. On one side of the paper he was perfect and on the other so completely wrong, but I refused to turn the page. I was looking at buying a house and had my eye on one in Donnybrook which was beyond cute.  I thought, “In five years’ time, I’ll be living in <<insert address here!>>, I could actually be married and have a baby, be super fit and healthy, working in morkeshing in The Tank” Married to said man?  I don’t know, I guess I was hooked on him and hoped it would work out, but not sure I saw myself in a white dress, walking down the aisle with him.  How and ever, I am not with said individual, I don’t have a baby, I am fit and healthy, I work in morkeshing, I’m not in The Tank.  I am in a muuuuuch better place than where I thought I’d be and for that I am very, very glad.

At 33, I was working in The Fish Tank, I hated it, I hated the WWs, the super heroes, Flipper, The Big Fishes, and I looked to my future and thought “Fuck, when I’m 37 I’ll be in The Tank, still fucking going long and short, left and right, up and down.  Fast forward four years….I’m not in The Tank and I’m so fucking happy I’ve left. 

When I was 34, I was in the midst of making moves out of The Tank, I was interviewing for a job in New York, I weighed 12.5 stone, my heaviest at that time, and I did not like myself. I thought “When I’m 37, I’ll be in NYC babyyyyyyy, I’ll lose loads of weight and look amaaaazing!” I’m not in NYC, but I’m not in The Tank, I’ve lost loads of weight and am pretty damn happy with how I look, except for the grey hairs… 

When I was 35, I still weighed 12.5 stone, I hated my body and felt beyond unattractive. I had finally bitten the bullet, spoken with The Big Fish and told him I was leaving The Tank. I was also single at this time, but really wanted this to change.  I thought “In two years’ time, I’ll be 10 stone, 13.999999 pounds, I’ll be running sub two hour half marathons, I’ll be working on a contract or freelancing with some cool business outside of The Tank’s industry. I have to do something about my love life!”  I’m 37, I’m now 10 stone 13.999999 pounds I am running sub two hour half marathons and faster 10ks, 5 miles, 5ks, I’m freelancing with no current projects (!) and I still need to do something about my love life. . .

Last year I had finished in The Tank, just come back from hols, weighed under 10.5 stones, breaking every PB I had in every road race. I’d contacted Guy Once Dated and we had just spent our first full weekend together.  I was working in a poxy contract but it brought me to the UK regularly.  I thought “Next year I’ll be working somewhere else, it’s time to move from Dublin, I’ll be doing an amazing job or contract in a top Tank industry business, I’ll be racing like I always do, fit, healthy, I’ll progress this "thing" with Guy Once Dated. Maybe we will be together, maybe we won't. But that doesn't really matter, I've made a move! I've made a change!”

So it's the 6th of October, I'm 37, am I where I thought I’d be?  In short, no.  But in some respects I’m in a much better place. Did I ever think I’d do a triathlon? A half marathon?  Leave The Tank? Live on my own?

Today, I’m available for work anywhere in the world. I’m meeting lots of recruiters and companies. One such company I’ve fallen in love with and they want to keep in touch about a potential job in 6 months.  I’m renting a great apartment which is now home, the landlady loves me (not least because according to all other tenants, I’m the crazy bitch who lives in 33A).  I can’t ever see her asking me to move, this is mine for as long as I want. It’s a great spot, close to the city, lots of lovely restaurants, bars, coffee shops close by. I’ve amazing friends and have a great laugh when we do get together.  I’ve lost a chunk of the weight I put on over the last 12 months; I’m fit, running and triathloning (not a word!)  I’m single and childless and this is probably the one thing that I want to change. But hey, I’m happy and I’m ready, even with my tick-tocking aging ovaries and dusty womb! (And I have my TV back!)